Saturday, February 25, 2012

Get Out of the Way

DISCLAIMER: I am not a parent and I don't claim to know much about raising children. What I am about to say comes from a background in training animals and from my observation of other people's parenting methods and their subsequent results.

Animals, like children, seek approval. If you ask or encourage them to do something and then block them with your position, body language, voice, or attitude they will become confused, frustrated, discouraged, and/or resentful. When they try to do the right thing and you discourage them you destroy their confidence and leave them wondering if you are trustworthy. If this pattern continues they will begin not only to doubt you but also your requests, commands, and eventually anything associated with you and your kind.

However, if you support and encourage them in their attempt, you will build a relationship of trust and confidence that "directs them in the way that they should go." A common phrase among horse trainers is: "reward the slightest try; the smallest change." Don't ask for perfection - ask for a try - and when you get it build on it. Eventually you will reach a point where you can ask for more technical correctness and over time achieve perfection without ever asking for it.

But if you block that first try you set them up for failure - even if you don't mean to.

So get out of the way.

J

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